Afraid Of Being Like Your Parents? How To Counter Your Fears

    When we become adults and begin having families of our own, we have fears of becoming like our parents. Are you afraid of being like your parents? Here’s how to counter your fears.

    Are you afraid of being like your parents?

    We have all had this fear at one time or another. It’s that little worm of worry that drills up inside of you. You ask yourself, “Am I?” We don’t want to hear those dreaded words from our partners, or anyone else for that matter. “You’re acting just like your mother/father.” Those words can pierce us right through the heart. We’ve become grown adults and functioning members of society, independent of our parents. We certainly don’t want to hear that we are acting like them. So, are you afraid of being like your parents?

    Find Your Triggers

    Did your parents have a particular coping mechanism that they turned to when they got upset or angry? Or were they verbally or physically abusive towards you or their partner? Maybe they just walked out altogether. Or perhaps there was a sudden death of one of your parents. Any of these can be “triggers,” or things that could set a person off emotionally. Identifying your triggers will help you take the first step towards avoiding the problem.


    Our genetics play a huge part in how we are shaped as human beings. Conditions such as mental illness can be passed down from parent to child. You do not have to keep an ever watchful eye on it, but it is just something that you should think about. It’s always best to catch an issue sooner rather than later and get treatment if you need it.


    Did your parents always argue, or ever even communicate properly? Things like this can have an everlasting impact on a child. The impact can also carry over into our adult lives. This can affect our relationships, whether it be friendships, familial or romantic. We model what we grew up with. But you, and only you, can break the cycle. If you need help, there are plenty of articles that cover the subject. But you can also seek out the help of a therapist who can give you the proper tools and coping mechanisms.

    Get Closure

    Getting closure can be a hard subject to tackle. But it has to be done to move forward in your life. There are a few ways that you can do this. One way is to write a letter to the person that may have harmed you or shaped your behavior as a child. Pull out a notebook and a pen. Then, just go ahead and let your feelings flow from your mind to the pen onto the paper. This can be an emotional experience. Don’t let that deter you. Go with it, and feel those emotions – that is part of the whole closure process. Now, what you do with the letter is entirely up to you. Some people take it and burn it or destroy it as a symbol of letting go of their past. Others will give it to the person it was written to.

    Keep Away From Toxic Relationships

    Toxic relationships are relationships that detract from your overall well-being. They just suck the happiness and goodness right out of you. You will know if you are in a toxic relationship. Again, these can be platonic friendships, familial or romantic partnerships. They drain you of your energy. Continued relations with these persons can seriously affect your mental health. The best thing to do is to cut them out of your life. As hard as that may be, it is the only way that you can be truly happy. You deserve a wonderful life, and to have that you need to do what’s necessary.

    You Are Not Doomed To Repeat The Process

    No matter what you may think right now, there are plenty of ways to break habits and get closure. You are not doomed to become what your parents were like. You can build a new family legacy, starting with you. You can become a shining example to your children of what loving parents should be. But the process begins and ends with you. So, even if it means seeking out the help of a professional, do it. Your future self, and of course, your family, will thank you for it.

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    Jennifer Corter
    Jennifer Corter is a twenty-something stay-at-home mother, writer, and self-published author. She's the founder of Positivity in Pain, a community of over 84,000 people who have come together to fight chronic illness with humor. She also writes for her personal blog, Corter Moon, and is a self-taught jewellery artisan.